Swim-up bar cocktails were flowing, condensation from the cup danced over my hand, the sun was skipping light rays across the ocean’s surface. A large white bird had stolen our fries and regurgitated meat on the table when we stepped away to take pictures. But hey!…life was good, we were giddy in a pool. I was elated, grateful to be in my 39th country: St. Kitts.

Well, that was before the incident…

Returning to our Marriott, off I skipped to experiment with a bidet. How fun! My friend was near the the tub waiting to change. I was too distracted by the porcelain wonder to read the room or even notice. From my world view I was very confused and equally intrigued by this bathroom gadget…a mystery I just had to solve.

In that moment of wonder I must have thought it was a good idea to lean directly over the white bidet in an L – shaped manner and reach for the silver handle. Out shot water…straight up, fast and hard, directly into my right eye ball!

I ran out of the bathroom screaming like a school girl, faster than the volcano that had erupted.

Belly laughing and struggling to breathe, my friend and I did the erratic full body crossed-legged dance, the holding-it-all-in movement only giggling women can achieve. Little did I comprehend I had left the spigot on and water was shooting, gushing upwards, flooding the floor and spraying the generic art work.

My eye had bidet water in it from another country. What a souvenir!

Are there previous traveler feces particles in my eye?! Fear not, I purchased travel insurance!

How does one explain this sort of eye infection to a doctor? I can picture the inquisition … and my response…”Well…following some fruity cocktails at a swim-up bar, I was trying to solve a personal dilemma of how a bidet worked. I was leaning over the unit at eye level and the bloody thing shot water right up into my eye!”

“Have ya heard that one before, doc?!”

Days later I am still questioning, do you take a #2 in the regular toilet, then maneuver your naked body to the bidet without leaving gifts on the floor, hover and balance while reaching behind in an awkward distorted twisty shape to turn on the water?! I’m sorry, but then how do you remember which knob is hot or cold?

Opposites always confuse me…plus I am left-handed, so I struggle daily just to exist.

Surely you don’t want to burn or freeze your… just to save some toilet paper. I do love trees, but not that much.

Or….do you take a #2 in the actual bidet unit, with little room to sit, be comfy and read a paper. Oh wait, newspapers don’t really exist anymore!…Hmm…..I shall ponder all of this as I wait for a doctor to see me about an infection in my right eye….

Wink.

Stunning island view before things got blurry…

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Bean's Dream

jwbean