By the time superstorm Sandy had flooded a portion of my favorite city Manhattan, my nerves were shot from watching the weather channel. It’s uncomfortable to be concerned for 98% of everyone you know, by a storm you can’t control.
Following hours watching the weather glued on my friends couch, it reiterated humans are not in charge, until perhaps an ipad can do my laundry. The complete process, from hamper to machine, detergent to dryer. On that day, I may consider we have some say and will buy whatever gadget it is. Until then I am convinced recent wacky weather patterns could be a higher power sending humanity a wake up memo, reminding us we are not in charge.
After reciting the serenity prayer, and knowing I had a few of my Gram’s prayers held in reserve, I had faith everyone I knew and didn’t know personally would be okay, or so I hoped. I found myself concerned people would lose their possessions, followed by thoughts of their safety. This reminded me of the clarity I feel throwing out crap that doesn’t define me, while attempting to treat myself and others better. More than answers, I have a billion questions, but the more complicated life feels, the more I strive for inner peace. I gravitate toward peaceful moments where my cell doesn’t chime reminding me of reality.
During Hurricane Sandy, I almost couldn’t stomach watching the tide roll in, along with the storm surge. Two days later my body exhausted from worry, remains on edge despite reminders I couldn’t change the outcome. The more the world feels less stable, the more I want to run, hide in a cave and eat coconuts. It would have to be a snow cave though, it would break my heart to give up skiing.
I feel so alive traveling, skiing and writing, I’m a sucker for modern luxuries they didn’t have back in the day. How simple it would feel if we could cut out the excess, go natural, and learn how to survive effecting the earth less.
I hope in time I can internalize the serenity prayer and improve my interactions with others and the earth. If my heart could make money, I could raise enough to help many. I can feel my heart literally ache or beat asking for attention when I stop and really take time to feel for others. Those doctors aren’t fibbing as to the location of the heart. I can feel my heart on the left side doing jumping jacks somedays, begging for awareness.
Financial hurdles seem to get in the way of feeling like I can really help others. Perhaps kinder words and attempts at becoming a better person can help more than the occasional volunteer evening at a local shelter.
My entire body is being pulled toward a more meaningful path. I’m not sure what that means, I just wish there weren’t so many mental fences to jump over to help others. Perhaps it’s in little ways I can begin in daily life, but in this massive world do little things really make a difference?
These thoughts were inspired as I think of my friends this evening that sit in dark chilly homes, whom I can’t be with to give blankets and hugs to…